these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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