u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
