So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
