I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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