Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
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