sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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