i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
