The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
