he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
