Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
