Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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