youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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