unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
