I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
