i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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