Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
