she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
