He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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