Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
