I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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