I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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