brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
