Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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