im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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