people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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