if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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