He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i wish my penis had a tongue
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
