she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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