I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
