What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
