Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
