I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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