Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
