He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
