I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
