Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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