just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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