my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
