I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
This house was built for laser tag.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
