We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My penis needs a shock collar
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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