please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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