Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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