Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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