so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He felt like a one man threesome
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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