My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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