I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
