I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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