I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
