I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
