Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
my shit smells like andre
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
