I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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