Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
