I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
