Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Your cock deserves a montage
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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