I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
is it fun? or sober?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
