i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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