I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
