Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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