I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
