were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize