You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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