just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
