i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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