I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize