did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
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if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
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Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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