i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
