she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
