He uses pillows to masturbate.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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