he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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