sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
