There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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