I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
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Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
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I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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