i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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