1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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