I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
