you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
