also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
