There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
