its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
