I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
